Gotta little deep on ya with that last post, didn't I? Well, nothing of the sort today. I just feel like blabbing on a bunch of subjects.


Paris, Lindsey & Britney - Thank goodness your around! There would be all sorts of homeless photogs, bloggers and magazine editors in LA. On a serious note though, its time to lay off the drugs and alcohol and get your lives together. I'm so over all three of you.


Michael Vick - I had heard the "herpes story" a few years ago and that alone turned me off. But now, with these dogfighting allegations - you have officially become the OJ Simpson of the new millenium. You've lost most of your income, probably won't play football again, and will most likely go to jail. Herpes seems like the least of your troubles and when that's the case, you're in bad shape, buddy.

Posh & Becks - I watched her NBC show and I found her to be funny and engaging. Yeah, I could do without the scowl in ALL of her photos but, honestly, I thought she was charming. Her encounter with the celebrity blogger was priceless. And plus, her husband is HOT! He's my new eyecandy, move over (just a bit) Brad.

Back to School shopping - YES! Because a gal loves catching the 1 cent sales at Staples...and now I'm done! And I didn't spend more than $20. Beat that with a bat!

Karrine's new book "leaks" - Someone sent me an email that detailed her "rating" rappers and athletes...is there anyone she didn't/wouldn't sleep with? Hmmm...

The wedding that wasn't...Ursher & Tameka - This was totally his idea. What self-assured, pregnant, gold-digger would call off their wedding HOURS before the ceremony? EXACTLY! NONE!! Simple explanation: He done came to his senses, let's hope.

KG to the Celtics - I am a Kevin Garnett fan. I think he is incredibly talented. And with this one trade (him for 7 other players) he has made Boston a contender. That hasn't been uttered in almost 20 years. Thank goodness this is basketball instead of baseball. Speaking of which...

Them damn Yankees - The world is divided into three groups: the folks that LOVE the Yankees, the folks that hate them and the folks that don't watch baseball. I married a native New Yorker, so I inherited a NYY fan. And to be honest, I enjoy watching baseball and golf more than I do football and basketball. That's a hard statement to make, since I am a die hard basketball lover. But the truth be told, the NBA sucks. We all knew it would happen. The young guns took over and there are no more Barkley's, Jordan's, Magic's, Bird's or even Isiah's in the league. That's a shame.

I am however a fan of true athletes. Tiger, Iverson, A-Rod & Jeter, to name a few...show me some passion and dedication to your craft and you've got me. Nothing says lazy like a half-ass game performance.

Well, folks, I'm gonna wrap it up for now. I'm sure I'll have more to say later this week but ehhh, who knows?! Until next time...

At this time of year, right around my birthday, I always, always think about my two girls who are no longer here. I'll share a little bit with you.

Barbara or "Redz" as I used to call her, was a childhood friend. We met when we were probably 12 or 13 years old. We hung out tough during some crazy ass "City Under Seige" days. Yeah, thats probably the best way to describe the late 80's in PG County/DC. And while she would introduce me to the "game", she did very little to teach me how to play the game or how to win the game. Those lessons would be learned much, much later. Anyways, Redz and I used to get our hair and nails done together, go to see Salt N Pepa and Heavy D together, and of course, hit up Go Go Live (1 & 2) together. And while most of the area was being held hostage by the raging crack epidemic, I was a regular 15 year old - just living life, having fun and booking boys.

When I finished 10th grade, my mother pulled me from public schools, where I had been my entire existence. She saw my life (before I did) spinning dangerously out of control. I was riding in stolen cars, getting into fights, drinking 40's of Cisco and Red Bull and spending the night at my boyfriends apartment.

Barbara, not to be outdone by me, the rookie, was always a step ahead. She was stealing the cars (her stepdads truck to be exact), starting the fights, buying the liquor and living at the boyfriends house. But still we were friends. We had been through a lot. While I was off at private school, she too changed schools. We saw each other less and less but stayed in contact. I saw her the summer after I graduated from high school, in 1991. By the end of 1993, she would be dead. Murdered in her own apartment, in front of her 18 month old daughter.

Now Kim and I met in 11th grade, after said transfer to private school. Kim had never been IN a public school, much less attended one. I had much attitude about attending an all girls school with wool uniforms and I let it be known the first day of 11th grade orientation when I had to stand up, state my name and what school I came from. Kim would later tell me, "I didn't like you right then and there".

Kim was the only child of a Metro bus driver and a career government employee. Her parents were not wealthy, but they were comfortable and had a nice house in Hyattsville. Despite her intial reaction to me and my 'tude, we became friends junior year. We started driving around the same time, coincidentially got the same kind of car (an Escort), and both had strict parents. We would pull the okie-doke routine on them almost every weekend. I'm at Kim's house. She's at mine. We'd both be with the boyfriends. Pretty ballsy, since this was before cell phones were commonplace and if your Moms had caller id or call waiting, they were pretty progressive. Anyway, Kim always had older boyfriends. Guys our age were just not her thing. And of course, me, I dated the thugs and gangstas. So neither one of us were in positions to be bringing the beaus home to meet the parents. And we helped each other out. All. Summer. Long. By the time we graduated from high school, we had the routine down pat and a long list of movies that we were supposed to have seen, but didn't.

Kim and I stayed in touch throughout college. She was far out in rural Virginia, me in Baltimore. I'd hop in my Escort and go down there on a Thursday and stay until Monday. Just hang out with Kim and her friends. Some time after I left Baltimore, she left her school and we lost each other. For about 6 years.

She found me one day on the internet! It turned out she lived around the corner from my moms house. I went to go see her and she was the same old Kim. From that day on, we were tight just like when we were teenagers. She would attend all my families parties and I would help her plan her parents' 30th anniversary blowout. Kim would pass away on May 21st of 2006 of heart failure. She never married and she never had children.

It took me five years after Barbara died for me to visit her gravesite. When I did, I was almost three months pregnant with my daughter. I remember wanting to tell her how sorry I was that I hadn't been there before, and that I was going to be a Mommy too. But when I got there, I just laid down and cried.

The last time I talked to Kim was two days before she passed. She hadn't been feeling well and she told me that the doctors wanted to admit her overnight. "You know, you mighta shoulda let them keep you, Kim" was what I said to her. No, she insisted. She had clothes to clean at home. She had stuff to do. I told her I wished she stayed at her Mom and Dads house that night and that I would call her cell phone, in case she did. Saturday passed me by and Sunday, Kim's friend had called the house and mysteriously told me to call Kim's mom. Not even in a million years did I think she would tell me that Kim was gone. I remember yelling to my husband and breaking down at the dining room table.

So what is in a birthday? For me, its about reflection and rememberance. Its about acknowledging how far I've come and how far I can go. Its being thankful for time spent with my children and my family. Its about being grateful that I have friends who sometimes I don't see much, but should I need them, I know they'll have my back. Its about letting go of hurt and hate and things and people that will hold you down.

But most of the time, its a day or even a moment of a day where I say, I'm still here. I survived.

*Day Five through Day Nine*

I've been staying the course as far as my diet is concered. I will cop to having a handful of sour cream and onion potato chips late last night. I was hungry and sleepy, is my excuse. So, I gave myself a slap on the hand. That's as much beating myself over the head as I'm going to do, though.

I worked out for 15 minutes on the eliptical and did a good 5 minute stretch out at the end today. Invigorating and exhausting. I did feel good and will do the Tuesday and Thursday workout barring any work-related emergencies. The fat pants worked. I was sweating like Bobby Brown in a crack house. Not a good look though.

Hubby opened the Mos Def show at the 9:30 Club last Saturday. A good time was had by all, I think. He draws a pretty knowledgable and eclectic crowd. Hip Hop may be dying...but that show was a testament that there will always be love for true emcees, good music and that old school vibe.

Looking to hit up Talib Kweli in Baltimore on my birthday. He and my husband go waaaaay back to the days of pushing Rawkus lp's in New York, so its all love. We once went to an in store meet and greet in Las Vegas and he asked why we were standing in line. Hubby was like, "Oh, we're not here for the label...we're fans today." And Kweli was like, "So YOU ARE coming to my show at the House of Blues tonight?!" The next thing you know Kweli's telling his manager on the phone, "(Hubby's name) plus one". We hung out before he went on and then watched the show - from backstage. A very cool experience indeed.

Needless to say, all rappers aren't that way.

And wouldn't this be a great time to speak upon the inevitable? That's right folks, Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Diddy. Not even the most hardcore Sean Combs fan saw this union lasting. (Sorry for you in so many ways if that fan reference is you). Rumor has it old gal is going after $100,000 a month for child support. You do the math...whew!

Alright, folks..I'm out.

*Day Four*

I was talking to one of my colleagues at she asked me why I was on a diet. She said, "you carry yourself well..." she didn't finish but I think she wanted to say, "for a big gurl". I wouldn't have been offended if she had said it but I think she was a little embarrassed that I knew what she meant. It is what it is, right?

I told her that for me, it wasn't all about losing the weight. Part of me wants to know I have the self control, the discipline to do it and do it religiously. The loss of weight is like the added bonus. I also told her that I'm feeling like Humpty Dumpty. My ass is all over the place and I need to put myself back together.

My lunch buddy asked me how I was going to act once I was put back together again. I told her, "A DAMN FOOL!". I am, after all, the one that went through it all.

But until then, I'm just the bread and potatoes deprived DJ's wife.

Another boring set of meals. Last night, I had to fend for myself and I ordered Chicken and Broccoli and Kung Pao Chicken from the carry-out. Chinese food is crap without the rice let me tell you.

This morning, my deli guy hooked me up with a massive ham, egg, onion and cheese omelette. So huge, I didn't even come close to finishing it. Lunch was a bacon cheeseburger with no bun and a caesar salad. Of course, I washed both meals down with a sugarless ice tea.

Not sure what I'll do for dinner tonight. Fish for the family but I'm not in a baked/broiled fish mood for myself. Leftovers more than likely. We'll see.

*Day Three*

Everyday I'm confronted with people who want to eat potatoes! LOL

Baked, fried, mashed, with garlic, red bliss, the salt kind, chips, wedges, you name it, I love it if its a potato.

But the NO WHITE STUFF diet doesn't allow pasta, bread or potatoes! And its been a struggle. I look at potatoes and bread as dishes that are complimentary to chicken, beef or fish. The last three days, I've had to have a salad with my meal just so it LOOKS appetizing. I mean how many different ways can a grilled chicken breast look?

At any rate, I'm receving kudos from my co-worker that I go to lunch with. And thats good motivation.

Last night for dinner I had a leftover pork chop. Today for breakfast I had a ham and cheese omelette and a sugarless ice tea. For lunch, I had a side salad and a cheeseburger with cheddar cheese (no bun). No workout today but I normally don't work out on Wednesdays.

Next week, I will start back up on the eliptical. I have my fat pants (the kind that make you sweat extra hard) and plan on putting those on under my sweats. I can use any and all extra help!

*Day Two*

So far, so good. Last nights dinner consisted of a grilled chicken breast and a salad.

This morning I had the same thing I had yesterday, eggs (this time with cheese WHOO HOO!), bacon and a sugarless ice tea. At lunch, I had a grilled chicken kabob, an entire bowl full of steamed veggies and water.

I also turned down the ice cream social at one of my properties. No point in walking five blocks to see someone else eat delicious dairy. So here I sit at my desk, visions of vanilla soft-serve with rainbow sprinkles dancing in my head. Pure torture but I'm going to be alright.

No workout today either but what can I say? I just wasn't feelin it.

*Day One*

Day one of the no white stuff diet sucks...just like all diets. You really miss what you can't have. But I am determined to pull it together so here's my intake for the day. PS - don't worry, all my posts from now on won't be so boring...

Breakfast was some scrambled eggs, bacon and an ice tea with no sugar.

Lunch was a cheeseburger patty with no bun and a spinach salad, and again, an ice tea with no sugar. I should have asked the waitress not to even put the fries on the plate, but I forgot. So as soon as the food hit the table, I threw them all on the bread plate and pushed it away. It was easy but they smelled damn good.

Not sure what dinner holds tonight. Didn't take anything out, so I'm guessing it's going to be something quick and easy. Here's where I get caught up. I'm hoping I can get a salad while the family chows down on whatever they want.

No work out today.

*CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL*

I am not one of these people that find fault in every aspect of their appearance. Nor am I strutting around thinking I'm the hottest piece of ass, either.

No, if I had to hold my self-esteem up for critique, I'd say I'm pretty average. My current weight, however, is not. I am the biggest I've ever been: pregnant or not.

Standing at an even 5 feet tall, I am a chocolate chip morsel away from a whopping 200 pounds. No joke. I'm a big girl. Which, I've come to accept. Happy about it. HELL NO! Accepting, ummm...yeah.

Let me give you a history lesson. I've always been short. I was 4'11" in the tenth grade, and in 11th grade and ever since. But back in them days, I was 85 pounds...soaking wet with Timbs on. I don't ever really recall being happy or unhappy with my size and shape, it was what it was. I knew I wasn't "stacked" like the other girls, though. But that was okay, I was just happy that I had something to put in my training bra.

I started putting on weight soon after an ankle injury sidelined my cheerleading career (10th grade). I was getting more attention from the boys and doing the pizza parlor/movie theatre thing almost every weekend. I never really paid it much attention, but I'm guessing this was the beginning of something. As time creeped on, so did the little pounds here and there.

By college, I was still in shape but rounding it out some.

By the time I left college, I had the munchies every night and was eating whatever I wanted, when I wanted. Still pretty much in shape but definitely had curves. I could still do a cropped top and be cute.

Well, that was about 10 years ago and folks, I have fallen into the fat ass mother and wife routine. I am not happy about my size. I never dreamed I would wear a pair of size 16 jeans. How did it get this far? And what to do now? Well, we already answered the "how did it get this far" question. It was put on slowly and over the course of many, many years.

The far better question is what to do now. Yes, I could assume big girl status forever and get a frequent customer card at Torrid, but honestly, I'm not built to be this big. C'mon, 5 feet even and almost 200 pounds? I don't care how attractive my face is, it's just not cute.

So, as my 34th birthday approaches at the end of this month, I've decided to just go all out. Fuck it! Come Monday, its no white stuff again and eliptical here I come. I got pretty good results the first time I tried and if I can maintain for at least 8 weeks, I should be in the best shape of my adult life.

It won't be easy. Its going to be hard as hell. But anything beats being this big!