Wednesday, September 01, 2010

I know, I know...

I viewed my blog and the last time I posted, I was in the middle of my 30-something crisis. Yeah, since then-it's all broken WIDE OPEN. Not big on details but if you really wanna know how I feel, read on...

Since my last post, my hubby and I have separated. My youngest has started middle school. I left my job and started a new one. Oh, and I turned 37. Yessir...let's just try to swallow all of THAT now.

I really can not speak too much on the "why" me and hubby have split. I know why. I think he knows why. But trying to explain to family and friends has become a marathon. I began to tire of talking about it months ago. Like I said, this post is less about the details and more about the feelings. So how am I feeling?

I've only been asking myself the exact same question for the last few months now and honestly, I have no answer. Some days, I feel numb. This is not my life. This is not what my life has become. Other days, I feel strong. In the weeks leading up to school (after I got canned), I had ample time to spend with the child. We took care of school stuff. Got her situated at home. We cried on the bed when I told her her Dad had moved out. Yeah, it was a lot to go thru. But the greatest tragedy would be my child seeing her mother broken. Can't do that. So I smile through the tears and forge on.

As for my job, well my dissatisfaction with that joint was well documented, on here! I can't say that I was happy to leave (relieved, perhaps a better word) and I sure miss that $ but I'm now work-place, stress free. So, it's okay. The price of peace of mind.

My new job is at a law firm. It's a paycheck.

Turning 37 was uneventful. I didn't do much at all. Contemplated life and all of that. Got white-boy wasted (which was fun but necessary).

I am leaving this post with the question first posed to us by Johnny Gill and Stacey Lattisaw, "WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?"