My HOT List

Crazy internet videos a la YouTube...MAN! Where do people find the time to think up and actually do this crazy stuff. I have see the funniest shit on the internet. A life size dancing (I mean really groovin') Dora the Explorer, a whole rap song about fried chicken, a flaming and hysterical tribute to a Beyonce video with complimentary wigs and very Tina Knowles-ish outfits, and one of my favorites...the two young guy that do their rendention of the Backstreet Boys songs...so heartfelt, so feeling...so insanely funny!!

Overseas/BiRacial Adoption...Long before Brad and Angie, my parents were compassionate people that opened their hearts to not one but two children born in a foreign country. And that was when they were in their 50's and after they had three grown children of their own. Fashionable in the early 70's? I think not. Kudos also go to Tom & Nicole, Hugh Jackman, and Meg Ryan.

The guilty pleasures of reality TV...some shows out there are just plain dumb or have run their course (Fear Factor and Survivor come to mind). My favorites are Project Runway, America's Next Top Model, Flavor of Love and Cheaters. I only recently got hooked on Flavor of Love and let me tell you...I caught on just in the nick of time! It never ceases to amaze me what folks will do to be on your TV. To publicly profess your love for Flava Flav? To cry, curse and carry on like a certified lunatic because he don't want yo ass for a second time? That ain't must see tv...that must be reality tv!!!

Dave Chappelle...funniest comic out there! I mean, c'mon, the man that brought you the racial draft, the black grand wizard of the you know who, when keepin it reals goes wrong, crackhead Tyrone, a "gangsta" Wayne Brady, and the muppets singing about STD's. If you can't laugh at his stuff, you need you're funny bone checked out! PS - Dave, I ain't mad atcha from walking away from Comedy Central.

My NOT HOT List

Divorce...Hollywood Style: Is it really imperative that we know all the nasty little secrets of a "celebrity" couple? Brit&Kev, Reese&Ryan, Pam&KidRock...it's info overload as far as I'm concerned. Instead of the inevitable "Irreconcilable Differences" how bout a box on the the petition that says, "I've had enough" or "Tried to make it work and failed". And then keep it movin'!

40+ year old women that wear skirts three inches above their knees and 2 inches below the crack of they old ass! Whats up with that? Why are you most certainly someone's grandmother and you dressing like you going to the Legends (or excuse me, the Ascot) after work? I'm not saying you need to wear a MuMu but please! Lets age with some dignity. Just cuz you been someone mama since you was 13 doesn't mean you need to try to recapture your lost youth at 40 or 45. Put some damn clothes on.

OJ's book and interview...all I'm going to say is: is it absolutely necessary to remind the world you got away with it? Sheesh!

Channel 4 News getting rid of all the news cast that I grew up with! For me, the Sports Machine pre-dates ESPN by many, many 'o' years. You had to stay up until 5 minutes to 12 to watch that bitch...but you got all your sports in. Arch Campbell, while I didn't agree with him even half the time, was a News4 staple. Whats next, Channel 4, getting rid of Bob Ryan and the Farmers Almanac?! Ya gonna auction off one of Wednesday's Children?!

Being the parent of a celebrity/athlete and donning your childs jersey or chain at every opportunity. We know you are proud of your baby! But is the only thing you have in your closet a jersey with your boy's number on it? If so...why?! I was in Atlantic City a while back and this woman was pissed off the people at the Ralph Lauren OUTLET were not bowing down to her. Out flew "Oh, you must don't know who my son is!" It was funny then and its funny now. I got issue with a variety of things in that situation...#1...whoever your son is supposed to be, why are you at the outlets in Atlantic City as opposed to the Shops at Caesars Palace in Vegas? *clearing my throat* You can't run game on someone that actually knows HOW TO PLAY the game! Get wit it! #2...just who in the hell are you to pull the "you must don't know" card? I don't care who your child is...why should you be treated differently than any other paying customer?

The NEVER HOT List

Public Racial tirades...Sure! Let the whole world know you are a insensitive bigot, why don't you? You're a "star"...you can get away with it! NOT. It reflects poorly on you, your family (because *NEWSFLASH* believe it or not, the way you were raised has a lot to do with how you view people of other cultures, races and religions), and countless other things. If you want to be a racist prick...do it in the comfort of your own home, please.

Yesterday was a rare occasion that I took the Metro home and I HATE it. Despise it with every fiber of my being. As I'm walking down the escalator I see this woman with a ponytail that looked really familiar. She was going up and I was going down but that didn't stop me from blurting out my sisters name. Halfway up, she turns around...sees its me and starts running down the up-escalator. It was funny as hell, just like in the movies.

We hugged and exchanged our "where the hell have you beens" and phone numbers too.

I guess some explanation is due. I have two younger sisters. Although not blood related, we grew up together. You know how you've known someone more than half your life and you feel like God forgot to make them biologically yours? Thats how I feel about my sisters. And we're not talking about friends for a few months and we shared clothes. Nu-uh! I'm talking about people that know exactly who you are, your flaws, your imperfections, AND your deep dark dirty secrets. Real sisterhood. And I found it after 5 or more years at the Metro. Thats a hoot.

So I ended up talking to my sister for about 3 hours last night. She divorced my brother in law almost five years ago (which I knew about) and she's engaged again to a new guy (which I didn't know about). I was so happy to hear that her and my brother in law were honest to goodness partners in parenting my 2 nieces and nephew. They just realized that after nearly ten years of marriage, they were better friends than spouses. Hey, whatever works and makes you happy is my motto. So I am proud that she's handling her business. Both of my sisters are. And that make me feel...just like a beaming older sister.

It also got me to thinking about my friends. If you've been keeping up, you will remember that I mentioned losing a very good friend in May. The loss cut really deep and truth be told, I still mourn. Her name was Kim. We met in high school and stayed friends for years after that. And then, as sometimes the path in life takes you in different directions, we lost touch. We found each other maybe like 6 or 7 years ago and picked up like no time had passed us by. We'd go out to eat, shop, watch movies. Just good old hanging with your girl stuff. And when she passed, I didn't have it anymore.

"Finding" my sister and also another really good friend from high school (thank you, internet!) made me realize the value of friendship and certain truths that you hold close. Friendship doesn't necessarily mean chatting on the phone everyday or going to every birthday party. Hell, I talk to my one sister maybe 3 or 4 times a year and see her less than that. But when you love someone, you care about them and what happens to them, regardless of how much time has passed between that last phone call or that last visit. If you had an arguement or some sort of falling out, a real friend will be like, "now what in the hell made us stop talking again?" or better yet, "it musta been something so petty, I don't even remember". My sister told me last night, "I haven't seen you in five years, but if you called me and told me we had beef with some chick...I'm peeling off the earrings to fuck a bitch up."

In the last few years, I have seen female friends come and go for whatever reason. Some with hard feelings and bitter words, others just drift away. What can I say? I've never really liked females (my bullshit level is pretty low so I find most to be petty as shit) and have always gotten along with guys better. But I've made lasting friendships with a few girls that I used to work with and well, since reconnecting with my sister and my other friend from school, I feel pretty fufilled. I lost Kim in May and there is no replacing a Kim. Won't even try to.

So, folks, I have come full circle. I really believe the friends I have now were truly meant to be in my life. And that is a wonderful feeling.

Be thankful!

Let me give you the good breakdown on my Thanksgiving: we left downtown DC at 1:00 pm and did not get to our "cabin" in the woods until 6:00. Where did we go, you ask? North Carolina? Nope. Williamsburg. The google directions said it would take 2 hours. LOL. They should add a button to the google directions that says, "factor in holiday traffic".

Anyways, while happy homemakers and hostesses were slaving away in their kitchen on Wednesday and Thursday, I was in a hot tub in utter bliss. I didn't cook a damn thing the whole time we were gone! Not even sm'ores! We had a ridiciously large buffet at the lodge that was pretty good (not Mom's homecookin) but really decent. And while the husband hollered when he heard the buffet was $35.99 for each adult, he was in a turkey induced coma by halftime of the Cowboys game. Guess it didn't bother him that much.

The kids had a ball. They swam and played and scavenger hunted to their hearts delight. A good time was had by all.

I get home and what is one of the first things I hear about? A 23 year old groom in NYC getting shot by cops! A damn shame, I say. I am not anti-cops, first and foremost. But most of my personal experiences with them is fucked up to say the least.

Case and point, when me and RDB got into an arguement in DC, I went to the police station on Benning Road. I waited and finally this dumb ass desk jockey asks me what I want. I told him that I wanted to file an assult charge and he asked me what happened. The long and short of it was, we got to arguing and RDB slapped the food I was eating out of my hands and onto the floor. Do you know what one of DC's so called "finest" said, "was there ketchup on that burger?" I stormed out of there yelling, "and you dumb muthafuckas wonder why people take shit into their own hands". True story.

Another true story that gives you an idea as to why I don't trust cops is this: A few months after my daughter was born, I was at an apartment complex and these three bama chicks I had beef with showed up. They were with some flunkie and told the dude, "hey...go rob that girl over there." Talking within earshot and pointing to me! Why, why, why? Dude walks to the car like he's going to do that shit and I very calmly pulled my .380 out of my purse and laid it on the front seat. A year later, I hear that one of the chicks is now a county police officer. Dirty, isn't it?

Last true story for you to digest: A while ago, a college student was shot by a so called undercover cop. It made news because by all accounts, this young man was an upstanding citizen and father to an infant daughter. I knew this cop. He used to patrol my old neighborhood. He was dirty with a capital "D". He was notorious around the way for robbing drug dealers, beating folks down when they were cuffed, smoking PCP with the neighborhood prostitues and generally being a jackass. To make it worse, he was acquitted in the young man's death. A civil suit is pending by the young man's mother and daughter and I hope they get MILLIONS.

Its a shame when a few bad apples can ruin the bunch. I know some folks in law enforcement and their job is by no means easy or safe. But when you add racism, fear, and major power/ego-trips into the mix - you are certainly asking for a volitile situation to erupt into something much more.

As always - off the top of my head...the djs wife

The day before Thanksgiving!

I have to admit, this year I'm pretty hype. We are taking our kids to the wilderness and going camping 2006 style. That means we are in a $325 suite at a lodge in the woods. Hey, thats my idea of roughing it.

It should be fun and with the past baby momma and baby daddy drama that me and my husband have been through the last few weeks...we deserve a rest!

So I hope everyone out there eats and enjoys...back next week!

The DJ's wife on...

Being the poster child for Planned Parenthood.

Nah, I'm not really, but I damn well should be. I should speak to middle school and high school girls all over the country and warn them about the perils of adolescent relationships. And of course, I would talk to them based on my very own relationship with MY daughters father who, from this blog on, will be referred to as "RDB". Retarded Daddy's Blood. Go figure.

Anyhow, I began this relationship with RDB when I was a mere 23 years old. I was single and free to run the streets and so was he. And we did. Together.

Now, in the beginning - all was lovely. We laughed and played and dated like normal couples do. Went to concerts, comedy shows, plays, the whole nine. All was bumping along pretty nicely and about 2 years in, we find out we are expecting. Joy. Apprehension. An overwhelming sense of responsibility that I had not felt in all of my 25 years. The emotions ran wild. Was I ready? Who cares? I was in "love" and everyone KNOWS that when you are in love and having a baby, you're going to make it work, aren't you? So wrong. Mistake #1.

Mistake #2 came when, at about 4 months pregnant, we moved into a dinky 2 bedroom apartment together. I was working at a firm downtown. He was slangin' rocks on the block. Why lie?! He did make an attempt at doing the right thing by doing various odd jobs. But in the end, the hood loved him and he loved it back. Plus, what did Caine say in Menace? "Working for minimum wage was never my style..." Yeah that was RDB all the way. We argued about not having enough money. We fought a few times. When I was 6 months along, we fought so badly, I ended up getting choked on the kitchen floor and he ended up getting pistol-whupped by a pretty pissed off pregnant woman...you guessed it, mistake #3. Still, I was tryin to make it work for the sake of our unborn child.

And then our daughter was born a few months into 1999. She was 7 pounds, 3 ounces of perfect. Things pretty much stayed the same the first six months of her life. We loved a lot. We fought a lot. Back and forth, back and forth.

And then one day, RDB's newly released from prison friend came over to our apartment. He had asked for water but we ran a self-service household so we told him where the glasses were and "get it yo self". He came out into the living room where I was and shook one of the baby's glass jars. In it, little pieces of rock rolled around. Instead of losing it completely, I played it off. But inside, I was heated. Really heated.

It all started to make sense. The noises at 3am. The request to keep the glass baby food jars. This fool was cookin up in my kitchen!

To make a long and tragic story short...I ended up leaving RDB in December of 1999. A mere 9 months after our child was born. While it felt like a hard decision, it really was easy to see that I needed to be gone. And so I left.

I stayed single (but dated) most of 2000. In 2001, I met the man that would be my husband. There was no looking back.

Every once in a while, I will hear from RDB. He'll say some off the cuff remark about what his chances are with me (nil) and how much he misses me. LOL. Don't believe it - I don't.

Our lives went on: he went on to have another child with some young dumb thang, and I of couse got married.

And that would be the story that I would tell, if I were the spokesperson for PP.

What a sad Monday morning for me!

First of all, I spent all weekend cleaning my house. It was long, long overdue. It took two days, if that gives you any idea at all and lets just say the jack-o-lantern my daughter carved was in the Sunday trash all moldy and shit. So it sucked to be me this weekend.

Second, I was probably the only person on the planet that didn't know Gerald Levert died on Friday. HOW SAD! He was really one of my favorite singers. Such great ballads. My prayers go out to his family and friends.

I lost someone close to me earlier this year and it fuckin sucks dinosaur eggs. More on that later though.

So, hubby made it home safely. I was glad to hear that resonating snore once again, even if it meant the loss of covers and bed space.

My brother...he's so funny. He's an IT "geek" if you will. He's been trying to get me to get a myspace page. I'm reluctant and at this point, almost dead set against it.

My husband has a myspace page. My brother has one. My girl friend has one. My 15 year old niece has a myspace page that my brother found and promptly grounded her for having. Just insanity. So what is the big freakin deal, here?

I don't know how to work the shit so I usually just go to my husband's page and look at his friends. The aforementioned brother and girl friend are "friends" of his on the site so I usually just link from his to theirs. On the plus side, they've found friends from high school that live all over the country. People that you were friends with that you'd still be friends with if time and distance didn't pull you apart.

BUT some of these other "friends". Lawd...they look so STANK. These chicks...some of them so busted looking - they look like Flavor of Love rejects, ya hear? And lets not get on the shit they say cuz thats even worse.

Now, I can be mad that these bitches... and you bitches know who you are...or not. I chose not. My hubby is in the music biz. I'm in real estate. Ain't nobody tossin me panties to get a building made. But these bitches, they'd blow you for a Lil Wayne CD and blow your buddies buddy for a free promotional tee shirt. So shit is different. But lets put it in perspective...

*TRUE STORY*

My husband was set to open for a soul artist at a club in DC. 2 hours before the show, we're both knocked out at home. Him on the couch, me upstairs sprawled out on the bed. 30 minutes before we're supposed to be at the club, he's runnin upstairs talking about, "if you coming with me, we got to go!". I had on sweatpants and a cotton tee-shirt and flip flops. My hair was pulled back into a ponytail (for which I am famous) and not a speck of makeup on. But I wanted to go, so I rolled outta bed, brushed my teeth and hopped in the car.

While my hubby is dragging his crate of records to the dj booth, I park the car. On my short walk to the club, I walk past these two young broads. One of them says, "Oh I hope she ain't..." and her friend was like, "Say no..." Guess the sweatpants had them fucked up! Needless to say, these bitches was gussied up in the best their part-time job money could buy. They came to the club to get themselves a man. I, however, did not.

The moral of the story, folks is this:

You bitches buy a "special outfit", pay to get into the club, beg these dudes to buy you a drink, and pray one of them takes you home or to IHOP afterwards.

I'm that bitch that rolls out of the bed with sweats on, sits in the best seat in the house, getting free drinks all night AND gets a cut of what you paid at the door.

THANKS!!!!

"Who are YOU?"

A long time ago, I was having trouble in a relationship. I had emailed my friend and mentor and asked him how he had been so successful in his realtionships and his response boiled down to "Who are you?"

That single piece of advice changed the way I looked at relationships. Who was I? Did I even know? If I didn't know who I was...how could I expect someone else to know what I wanted from a relationship? Question after question, it always came down to who I was.

In hindsight, I wish someone would have asked me that when I was younger. Before my first boyfriend. But would I have knows who I was at 15? How about at 20? Shit! I'm still asking the question at 33.

Why the ranting? Well, I feel sometimes as though I've lost myself. I'm a mother. I'm a wife. I'm a working professional and a friend. Sometimes, I think that who I am as a person has been lost in motherhood and marriage, work and friendship. I used to have dreams.

As a child, I wanted to be a sports journalist. A female Wilbon/Kornheiser. Then, as I got older, I wanted to be a novelist and screenplay writer. That dream fizzled. I had to major in something at college, so I chose Elementary Education. I even taught 4th, 5th and 6th graders at one point. But that was before my own children and by the end of my first school year, the novelty had worn off. If these damn kids won't listen to their own parents, why in the hell would they listen to me? After the teaching stint, I lost my way.

So the dream was deferred. I dropped out of school. I went to work in the corporate world. I had a child. I lost my way yet again. I found myself yet again. I got married. I starting supporting the dreams of my husband and daughters. And my dreams....well my dreams would have to wait, wouldn't they? I had obligations to others and my support was important to them. Maybe it would be my support that nutured them to actually achieve their dreams.

And that is something that I never did.

I am so over the whole school thing. Really.

Today my hubby left for a conference in New York City. While I will miss him for the 5 days that he is gone, I honestly love sleeping in that king size bed by myself some days. I love that I can fall asleep with something else other than SportsCenter on the tube. I love that his LOUD snooring will be keeping one of his co-workers up and not me! So wrong, but so true!

So Brit & K-Fed's shocking - or NOT - news of their impending divorce got me to thinking about celebrity relationships/marriage, who it's for and who its clearly NOT for... so lets make some observations

Brit & K-Fed...when its all said and done with, Brit will be a studio enhanced Vegas lounge act and he will still be in the background breakdancing and pop-lockin...

Kayne & his fiancee...I hope that ole gal is a certified massage therapist because she's going to be stroking that MASSIVE ego for the rest of her life.

Whitney & Bobby...ok, I'll say it...they lasted longer than anyone would care to admit. But now that its done, lets let her focus on her recovery and getting back to making music. And thanks for one of my favorite catchphrases, "Hell to-the-naw".

Brad & Angelina...as an adopted child, I salute their dedication to orphaned children. As a human being, I say it's just completely unfair for two stunningly beautiful people to reproduce.

Tom & Katie...get married already! Maybe when you've settled into boring domestic marital bliss, the paparrazzi will leave you alone...but maybe not. Katie, blame Tom, he's the one that couldn't contain himself and had to shout it from the mountaintops.

JLo & Marc Anthony...I got Jenny Lo-Lo overload when she was dating Ben Affleck, so please, please, please get knocked up so you'll fall off the radar all together!

A Massive Brain Fart

As ideas go...its really hit or miss with me. While I've been known in some circles to come up with some really innovative, useful ideas - other times, not so much.

While I was sitting at my desk yesterday, I thought to myself, "I should go back to college!"

So I called my childhood mentor, who just happens to be the Director of Admissions at a university in Baltimore. I told him that I wanted to start my own business and have creativity and passion but no business savvy (and no money). I also reminded him that I have most of my undergrad requirements done and that my major back in the day was, um, elementary education. He told me to send him my transcripts and he would look it over, and from what I had told him, that maybe it would take about 2 years to get a business degree.

The minute I hung up the phone, panic started to set in. WHAT AM I DOING?! Whose going to pay for school? When would I go? Shouldn't I run this bright idea past my husband?!

So what do I do when I get home? I call my little sister who had knocked out undergrad and grad school in ten years all the while bearing three children. She's like, "Do it. You won't regret it. Think about the future money you could gain." All very good and valid points. *SIGH* She is the last person to call if I wanted someone to talk me out of going back to school.

So who could I call to talk me off the ledge? And I just drew a blank. Are all my friends really "pro-go-back-to-college"? I thought about it for a while in the evening until the domestic demands of my husband and daughter beckoned. Real life a callin'.

I went to sleep without a commitment of any sort. No application had been filled out. No tuition paid. No classes attended. The pro's of going back by far outweighed the con's.

So what in the hell was I afraid of?