"Who are YOU?"
A long time ago, I was having trouble in a relationship. I had emailed my friend and mentor and asked him how he had been so successful in his realtionships and his response boiled down to "Who are you?"
That single piece of advice changed the way I looked at relationships. Who was I? Did I even know? If I didn't know who I was...how could I expect someone else to know what I wanted from a relationship? Question after question, it always came down to who I was.
In hindsight, I wish someone would have asked me that when I was younger. Before my first boyfriend. But would I have knows who I was at 15? How about at 20? Shit! I'm still asking the question at 33.
Why the ranting? Well, I feel sometimes as though I've lost myself. I'm a mother. I'm a wife. I'm a working professional and a friend. Sometimes, I think that who I am as a person has been lost in motherhood and marriage, work and friendship. I used to have dreams.
As a child, I wanted to be a sports journalist. A female Wilbon/Kornheiser. Then, as I got older, I wanted to be a novelist and screenplay writer. That dream fizzled. I had to major in something at college, so I chose Elementary Education. I even taught 4th, 5th and 6th graders at one point. But that was before my own children and by the end of my first school year, the novelty had worn off. If these damn kids won't listen to their own parents, why in the hell would they listen to me? After the teaching stint, I lost my way.
So the dream was deferred. I dropped out of school. I went to work in the corporate world. I had a child. I lost my way yet again. I found myself yet again. I got married. I starting supporting the dreams of my husband and daughters. And my dreams....well my dreams would have to wait, wouldn't they? I had obligations to others and my support was important to them. Maybe it would be my support that nutured them to actually achieve their dreams.
And that is something that I never did.
A long time ago, I was having trouble in a relationship. I had emailed my friend and mentor and asked him how he had been so successful in his realtionships and his response boiled down to "Who are you?"
That single piece of advice changed the way I looked at relationships. Who was I? Did I even know? If I didn't know who I was...how could I expect someone else to know what I wanted from a relationship? Question after question, it always came down to who I was.
In hindsight, I wish someone would have asked me that when I was younger. Before my first boyfriend. But would I have knows who I was at 15? How about at 20? Shit! I'm still asking the question at 33.
Why the ranting? Well, I feel sometimes as though I've lost myself. I'm a mother. I'm a wife. I'm a working professional and a friend. Sometimes, I think that who I am as a person has been lost in motherhood and marriage, work and friendship. I used to have dreams.
As a child, I wanted to be a sports journalist. A female Wilbon/Kornheiser. Then, as I got older, I wanted to be a novelist and screenplay writer. That dream fizzled. I had to major in something at college, so I chose Elementary Education. I even taught 4th, 5th and 6th graders at one point. But that was before my own children and by the end of my first school year, the novelty had worn off. If these damn kids won't listen to their own parents, why in the hell would they listen to me? After the teaching stint, I lost my way.
So the dream was deferred. I dropped out of school. I went to work in the corporate world. I had a child. I lost my way yet again. I found myself yet again. I got married. I starting supporting the dreams of my husband and daughters. And my dreams....well my dreams would have to wait, wouldn't they? I had obligations to others and my support was important to them. Maybe it would be my support that nutured them to actually achieve their dreams.
And that is something that I never did.
posted by The DJs WIFE at 1:38 PM
1 Comments:
I feel like that sometimes too. Our lives are very similar.
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