I am completely sad right now. About 10 minutes ago, as I was sitting down to man the receptionist desk at lunch time, I opened the Metro section and read it from cover to cover. When I got to the obituaries, I scanned the section and damn! Don't you know I knew someone in there today? A guy I used to work with. So sad.
This is not the first time that this has happened. Its actually happened a few times before. People I knew or was acquainted with, pass away and there would have been no other way to know, besides reading the paper. It doesn't make it any less devastating, let me tell you.
So, my friend, Eric, was a really good guy. Eclectic and artsy, he was a kind soul. There should be more of him in this world and I shall miss him.
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I talk about death quite a bit, huh? Hey, its been a part of who I am. A reoccurring guest on the soap opera that is my life. But this...this is nothing. I used to be obsessed with death and dying like BIGGIE. I am surprised that being a parent hasn't magnified my obsession. Yes, I worry about my children and what they do, where they go and who they do shit with. But thats part of the kids package. My mother says that it never goes away, the worry. Hence, the reason she wanted me to call her when I would be coming in the house after 1 am, when I lived with her. Ummmm..I was 30. But anyways, thats another post.
I guess a lot of my fixation with death is that I've just seen so much of it. When I was younger, I remember crying because my grandmother and mother were leaving me with some strange babysitter. I remember them getting into a black limousine and hootin and hollering like a crazy child cuz they said I couldn't go with them. They were going to my great-grandmother's funeral.
As a teenager, I saw a few guys from high school die unexpectedly. Sometimes violently. Sometime tragically.
As a young woman in my twenty's , I had a standard black funeral dress. I wore it about 20 times in the course of about 8 years. That of course, was the byproduct of being in the streets. Still, you never get used to it. Rather, I never did. Every funeral was sad. Every single one.
And when I finally got out of the streets, I found myself not having to attend funerals for 19 year olds anymore.
This leads me to my bizarre behavior this past weekend. I was running errands and riding alone (which doesn't happen often) and I figured I would relive my youth via a PA go-go tape. I can't listen to it with my hubby riding shotgun, he's from NY and HATES go-go. Can't listen to it with the kids cuz of the cussin and sexual references. So, solo it is!
Man, I got to ruffin it off and lost my damn mind! I love me some old school go-go. But then I get to thinkin about that past life, the fun we all had and how I should just go to the old neighborhood and hang...just for a sec..."I'll only say hi and roll out"...I....
I took my monkey ass home.
Reality sets in. I ain't 21 no got-damn more!! I got kids, a husband, a mortgage, a gigantic fuckin car note!
I battle with wanting to revisit the "old me" all the time. I don't know why really, since I got a really good life now. Maybe its the idea of flirting with what once was? I don't fuckin know.
This is not the first time that this has happened. Its actually happened a few times before. People I knew or was acquainted with, pass away and there would have been no other way to know, besides reading the paper. It doesn't make it any less devastating, let me tell you.
So, my friend, Eric, was a really good guy. Eclectic and artsy, he was a kind soul. There should be more of him in this world and I shall miss him.
----------- " ----------------------------------- " --------------------------------------- "
I talk about death quite a bit, huh? Hey, its been a part of who I am. A reoccurring guest on the soap opera that is my life. But this...this is nothing. I used to be obsessed with death and dying like BIGGIE. I am surprised that being a parent hasn't magnified my obsession. Yes, I worry about my children and what they do, where they go and who they do shit with. But thats part of the kids package. My mother says that it never goes away, the worry. Hence, the reason she wanted me to call her when I would be coming in the house after 1 am, when I lived with her. Ummmm..I was 30. But anyways, thats another post.
I guess a lot of my fixation with death is that I've just seen so much of it. When I was younger, I remember crying because my grandmother and mother were leaving me with some strange babysitter. I remember them getting into a black limousine and hootin and hollering like a crazy child cuz they said I couldn't go with them. They were going to my great-grandmother's funeral.
As a teenager, I saw a few guys from high school die unexpectedly. Sometimes violently. Sometime tragically.
As a young woman in my twenty's , I had a standard black funeral dress. I wore it about 20 times in the course of about 8 years. That of course, was the byproduct of being in the streets. Still, you never get used to it. Rather, I never did. Every funeral was sad. Every single one.
And when I finally got out of the streets, I found myself not having to attend funerals for 19 year olds anymore.
This leads me to my bizarre behavior this past weekend. I was running errands and riding alone (which doesn't happen often) and I figured I would relive my youth via a PA go-go tape. I can't listen to it with my hubby riding shotgun, he's from NY and HATES go-go. Can't listen to it with the kids cuz of the cussin and sexual references. So, solo it is!
Man, I got to ruffin it off and lost my damn mind! I love me some old school go-go. But then I get to thinkin about that past life, the fun we all had and how I should just go to the old neighborhood and hang...just for a sec..."I'll only say hi and roll out"...I....
I took my monkey ass home.
Reality sets in. I ain't 21 no got-damn more!! I got kids, a husband, a mortgage, a gigantic fuckin car note!
I battle with wanting to revisit the "old me" all the time. I don't know why really, since I got a really good life now. Maybe its the idea of flirting with what once was? I don't fuckin know.
posted by The DJs WIFE at 1:21 PM
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