ONE AND DONE

So last week when I heard about the woman who had octuplets in California, initially, my heart went out to her! Single-handedly, she had surpassed the number of kids me and my 2 sisters and 1 brother have: together! Then, more info starts rolling in...first, she already had 6 damn kids. She's divorced. She used IVF. She's unemployed. She's...

COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY PSYCHO! HELLO?! 14 damn kids and none of them have the last name Jolie-Pitt? Yeah, right. Is there a bed available by John Hinkley?

Am I saying that if she had money it would be okay to have 14 children? No, well, yes, ummm, kinda! You got-damn skippy! But in the very least, you need some benefits boo. Is it automatically assumed that Bravo or Lifetime is going to pitch a reality show to you? Don't you think the exec's at those networks think you may already be off your rocker? You're 33 years old and have 14 kids! How far is a couple hundred thousand going to go with 14 damn kids? A couple hundred thousand may last me til the youngest of my three gets into high school...ummm, she's in the 4th grade. With 14 damn kids, that shit will last until next year. Seriously. Food, clothes, diapers, daycare - oh, never mind...you ARE a daycare...and a school...with its own football team...

I am, I'm quite sure, the exact opposite of this woman. Hell, my youngest is having challenges in school right now. Hubby says, "I REFUSE to let her fail! We'll go over homework three times!". I threw up my arms and said, "Well, if you WANNA drop out of elementary school..." (OK, not to her face, but to my sister who quite literally fell out laughing). And you want to do THAT 14 times? No, thanks. You should be committed. Permanently.

CHANGING LANES COMPLETELY...

I normally don't watch BET because...I just don't...but I wanted to see the BET Honors and some performances. Among the honorees were Mary J. Blige, B. Smith and Magic Johnson. I ain't gon lie, Anita had both me and Mary justa cryin when she sang "One". Anita where have you been? I was rather disappointed with my girl Keyshia Cole, she looked like she was wearing a gold trash bag and she seemed very nervous...I kept flipping channels but what I saw was okay. I have also determined that Gabrielle Union is completely bi-polar or a better actress than anyone on the planet realizes: she switched voices, attitudes and swagger every time she introduced a man to the stage. Interesting.

Last week I went to see the lowly Wizards play the New Jersey Nets at Verizon Center. Man, they suck. Injuries, I know. But what's your excuse for playing with zero enthusiasm? My 12 year old daughters AAU team could go out there and play harder than they do/did. Let me get this straight: you folks probably built up your entire life to play in the NBA and when you get there, what? you play like "cabdrivers" as we used to call them?! Bums. No pride involved whatsoever. Every single bench rider on that team is earning the league minimum, maybe more. And as if the money is not enough, ha, you can legitimately put on a job application, "PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE". I'm gonna need you all to reach into them baggy ass shorts, find your (or SOMEBODYS/ANYBODYS) nuts and play some basketball, fer real. This is your job not summer league pro-am.

And since we are on the topic of basketball, you know I gotta give a shout out to *my first love* cue the damn Rene and Angela - CHRIS WEBBER...

Man, we goes back. A few years before the ill-fated time out, when you and me were both freshmen in college. You at Michigan. Me at an HBCU. I saw you and said, he's damn cute. Over the years, you would leave school early. I would leave school early too. Eventually you'd land in DC and I felt we were destined to meet but it was not to be. You used to play playstation with an acquaintance of mine. My friend and your friend even got together and had a kid. I strenuously denied all the allegations they hurled at you and even when they said you was dating some whack dj. I was just ten minutes away the night you bought that bag of smoke around my neighborhood, getting arrested an hour later. If only... and before I knew it, you were gone. Gone to Cali.

I kept up with you and the Kings. You, JWill and Vlade made me a kings fan. The week I got engaged, I had tickets to see the kings and the wizards. You were there. So was tyra. I thought you didn't look too good. You looked a little tired, wore down. I blamed tyra. What was she doing to you? Could it be I was over you after all this time? Was my recent engagement clouding my judgement?

And then, like most first loves, it just faded away. You went on to the 76er's and the Pistons. I went on to be mama and wifey. And then it was time. With my husband out of earshot, I sent a quick prayer up for you when you announced your retirement.

I watched the video of the Kings retiring your number 4 jersey. Your lookin like your old fine ass self. I hear your on TNT now, too. Maybe I'll pay you a visit just for old times sake. See how your doing. Check in on those dimples.