*CHEAPER TO KEEP HER*
Typically, I am not a supporter of people staying with other people that make them a) miserable or b) homicidal.
But since the celeb divorce rate is through the roof this summer, I figured I'd toss my thoughts into an already crowded arena...
ARod and Cynthia - Where to begin? Married for about 6 years "times" two kids under the age of 4 = a nice chunk of his newly minted 10 year NYY contract. Will she see as much as Juanita? Probably not unless she's got the photos to corroborate those infidelity rumors. PS - I don't believe the Madonna-fling rumors, I'm NOT mad if she went to Paris and cried on Lenny Kravitz's beautiful shoulders and true, I'm a NYY fan!
Shaq and Shaunie - Torn am I between the fact that these two have a ridiculous number of biological children together and that he made her sleep in a round bed with superman sheets. On the one side, his child support payments alone will set her straight until the last one turns 18. On the flip side of that, she doesn't do too bad herself, what? with the E! entertainment jobs and such?
Kobe and Vanessa - Unlike, JLo - Vanessa's love cost exactly $4 million bucks and was in the form of an 8 carat purple diamond ring. Not too shabby, if you can live with the fact that you allow your husband to cheat on you and the whole world knows it. Oh that! And the fact that your still willing to pop out even more of his babies after he was accused of sexual assault...
Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills - Here's the exception to the rule. Cheaper to keep her? YES! Worth the headache - HELL NO! Ditch the bitch and be glad that, while it took marriage and a kid - you finally woke up!
Juanita and MJ - Herein lies the gold standard of how to divorce your man and get half, more than half or close to half:
1) Ride or die. So you been with your man since high school, maintained the relationship, albeit by yourself, the entire time he was away in college, watched him get drafted (on tv) and relocated to a city and state you forgot existed until he was their 23rd pick. Give yourself one point for being loyal and down for your "man". Subtract two points cuz he's been cheating on you since the 10th grade.
2) You can brush off the rumors...until they're proven true! Sure, if your man is a celebrity or ball playa (pick a sport) or anyone else that people THINK have money - you're going to end up in the tabloids with the headline "Paternity Suit Pending" over your man's mug. No fear, they're rumors. That is...until the DNA test or Maury Povich come to a town near you and your children's future earnings have been divided by 12 - 12 other crumb-snatchers! Add one point for each child you have. Subtract one point for each kid he fathered while you've been married.
3) Spend to no end. By all means, bask in the glow of your man's success. By definition of marriage, his being rich means you be rich too DAMNIT! Add two points if you bought Momma a new Escalade. Subtract one point if you used your money to bail cousin Junebug out of the county lockup.
4) When you've had enough or your man's glory days are numbered for whatever reason (retirement/the knee goes out), start planning for your kids MTV debut on My Super Sweet 16, hire you the best attorney his money will buy, and check your states DMV database for the vanity tags: WUZ HIZ.
Happy diggin' hoochies!
Typically, I am not a supporter of people staying with other people that make them a) miserable or b) homicidal.
But since the celeb divorce rate is through the roof this summer, I figured I'd toss my thoughts into an already crowded arena...
ARod and Cynthia - Where to begin? Married for about 6 years "times" two kids under the age of 4 = a nice chunk of his newly minted 10 year NYY contract. Will she see as much as Juanita? Probably not unless she's got the photos to corroborate those infidelity rumors. PS - I don't believe the Madonna-fling rumors, I'm NOT mad if she went to Paris and cried on Lenny Kravitz's beautiful shoulders and true, I'm a NYY fan!
Shaq and Shaunie - Torn am I between the fact that these two have a ridiculous number of biological children together and that he made her sleep in a round bed with superman sheets. On the one side, his child support payments alone will set her straight until the last one turns 18. On the flip side of that, she doesn't do too bad herself, what? with the E! entertainment jobs and such?
Kobe and Vanessa - Unlike, JLo - Vanessa's love cost exactly $4 million bucks and was in the form of an 8 carat purple diamond ring. Not too shabby, if you can live with the fact that you allow your husband to cheat on you and the whole world knows it. Oh that! And the fact that your still willing to pop out even more of his babies after he was accused of sexual assault...
Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills - Here's the exception to the rule. Cheaper to keep her? YES! Worth the headache - HELL NO! Ditch the bitch and be glad that, while it took marriage and a kid - you finally woke up!
Juanita and MJ - Herein lies the gold standard of how to divorce your man and get half, more than half or close to half:
1) Ride or die. So you been with your man since high school, maintained the relationship, albeit by yourself, the entire time he was away in college, watched him get drafted (on tv) and relocated to a city and state you forgot existed until he was their 23rd pick. Give yourself one point for being loyal and down for your "man". Subtract two points cuz he's been cheating on you since the 10th grade.
2) You can brush off the rumors...until they're proven true! Sure, if your man is a celebrity or ball playa (pick a sport) or anyone else that people THINK have money - you're going to end up in the tabloids with the headline "Paternity Suit Pending" over your man's mug. No fear, they're rumors. That is...until the DNA test or Maury Povich come to a town near you and your children's future earnings have been divided by 12 - 12 other crumb-snatchers! Add one point for each child you have. Subtract one point for each kid he fathered while you've been married.
3) Spend to no end. By all means, bask in the glow of your man's success. By definition of marriage, his being rich means you be rich too DAMNIT! Add two points if you bought Momma a new Escalade. Subtract one point if you used your money to bail cousin Junebug out of the county lockup.
4) When you've had enough or your man's glory days are numbered for whatever reason (retirement/the knee goes out), start planning for your kids MTV debut on My Super Sweet 16, hire you the best attorney his money will buy, and check your states DMV database for the vanity tags: WUZ HIZ.
Happy diggin' hoochies!
posted by The DJs WIFE at 2:50 PM
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