HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO YOU TOO DAMN IT!

Yesterday, the youngest child comes home and says to me, "Mom - my after care teacher said you need to do my hair." I thought about it for a second - and I mean a SECOND - before I said, "Hmmmm...really?!"

She went on to say, "Yeah, and she said if you couldn't do it to bring a comb, a brush, and some hair ties and SHE would do it."

*CUE TO LOSE MY DAMN MIND*

I went off! I said, "This is elementary school right? Not beauty school, right? Tell your teacher that you have a hair appointment this week. Scratch that! Tell your teacher that if she cares so much as to what your hair looks like...then it costs $35 dollars to get it done and we would gladly accept her contribution. Nah, hell with that..tell her..."

Am I really taking issue that this woman cares how my childs hair appears? Not really. The issue to me is that it is an unappropriate remark and that school is not the place where she should (if there is something wrong with it) get it fixed.

There are many, many underlying themes here:

First, who in the hell does this lady think she is? The hair police? Does this woman know that I leave the house to go to work 2 hours before my husband and child even wake up? Does she know that even if I do this childs hair in the evening, by the time she wakes up she looks like the Heat Meiser? Does she know that in her 9 years of life that she's been going to the hairdresser since she was 4?

I was seriously offended.

Then, I turned the tables on the child. Cuz after all, she's the one coming out of the house looking hella crazy. I told her that if she took some pride in her appearance, she wouldn't be about to get her teacher in some trouble. Okay, I said "SHIT" - sue me.

I went on to tell my child that she needs to step up her OWN grooming.

But what am I saying? This is the same child that was taught how to wash her body when she was like, 4 or 5 years old but turned to me not even 3 weeks ago and said, "Ma, whats the difference between washing up and taking a shower?" I was in disbelief! I answered her and then asked her what in the heck she has been doing every morning before school? "Putting on deoderant" was what she said. You guessed it - she's supposed to wash up in the morning since she takes a shower the night before. No wonder she comes home funkier than hell on gym days.

I was half tempted to call up to school and speak with this lady but my husband, the peacemaker, said he would relay my message. I doubt seriously that it had the passion and emphasis that I had when I dictated my message to him -but I digress.

I told myself, "No need to get all up in arm's, DJ's WIFE, you're still a good mom! Even though you don't hot comb your baby girls hair in the kitchen or spend four or five hours a week doing intricate cornrows..."